9 Things not to say to a girlfriend who lacks a sense of humor

Her: How do I look?

You: Hmmm, I'm not sure....I typically don't judge other men.






Her: Does this dress make me look fat?

You: No, No not at all....But, you do have to stop wearing our living room curtains in the summer time.







Her: You know that I don't need you!! You know how many guys try to talk to me every day?

You: Of course...But how many of them did you Not meet at the zoo? And more importantly, how many of them did not throw peanuts at you so that all their friends can see you giggle and sheepishly wave your trunk?






Her: You know some guy at the beach today told me today I look like the actress from 'Twilight'!

You: I assume you were chewing at the time, and and since words are sadly not edible, you must have heard him out of context. I'm sure he assumed you were The Twilight, because you are enormous, oval, unexpected and tend to block the sun.






Her: Honey, do you want to come with me to my aunt Bertha's barbecue?

You: No, Babes... I already saw your family last week. Wild on Discovery was having 'Poorly Domesticated Hippos Attack Yet Again" Week.






Her: Whats your favorite thing about me?

You: The fact that you haven't eaten me yet.






Her: Would you ever leave me if I got fat?
(This one has multiple choices)


You: Is Richard Simmons possibly attracted to other males?

or

You: Became Fat? Whats your next 'future possibility' question? Could we ever elect a black president? Or what if Tiger Woods ever looked at women outside of his marriage? Or what if Tom Cruise was a weird, eccentric moron who would join a weird cult as a distraction from his rampaging, closet homosexuality? or What would happen if you had to take brownie breaks in between words in order to take a breath and then sweat profusely from blinking twice?? or What would happen if you ran through more midnight shaded men than Jerome Bettis?

or

You: I'm sorry, all I heard is Moo, Mooooo, Mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.